I just want an actual relationship… tired of the long distance.
When you tell someone that your alone and struggling and they respond with “your not alone, I’m always here” sometimes I feel like saying no your not. Your not always here. Your never around when I’m at my lowest, your never around when I’m on the brink of everything. Your never around when I can’t even stand myself and that’s because i never want them to know how low I have become, I don’t want them to know the toll it’s taking on my body. As reassuring it is when someone says they are always here for you, you let them believe your okay and that their words are holding you up even though you know that in your worst moments, in the moments you want to give up and in the moments you don’t realize the pain your creating yourself because your so far into your own mind that you are in fact truly alone and no one but yourself can save you.
Comeback
A tangled mess of
choked words and
absurd verbs is all
I have when I try
to speak.It’s been three weeks
and my knees are
already buckling
under the pressure
that creeped up
on me.If only I had another
chance to make it
right—
to free myself from
this prison of loneliness
filled with birds
and fluttered hand gestures.Then maybe my days
would be bright.
But for now, I’ll shove
what’s left into my mouth
and pretend I never
said anything at all.
